Paisley goes to Heaven

Rev. Ian Paisley dies and approaches the pearly gates. St. Peter stops him. “You can’t get in here” says Peter.
“Why not” says Paisley. I’ve been a good Christian man all my life”¬†“Not according to our records. It says here you’ve been preaching hatred¬†against Catholics and the Pope for years”
“Now, Just a minute. I haven’t done that for a long time. I’m a changed man. Why, just a few weeks ago, I was walking past a Catholic church in Belfast and I heard some beautiful music. I looked inside and these wee girls were all dressed up for their first communion. Well, I called over one of those girls and gave her a pound.”
“We don’t have any record of that here” said Peter
“And a couple of weeks later, I walked past another Catholic church and saw
some boys being confirmed. I walked over to one of those boys and gave him
a pound”
Again Peter looked puzzled. “We have no record of that either”
Paisley continued, “And just last week there, I saw a nun helping the homeless in downtown Belfast, so I gave that nun a pound.”
Peter said “There must be something wrong with our computer, because we don’t have any of this on file. Let me talk to the Big Fellow for a moment.”
Paisley paced up and down, waiting for the answer. Finally, Peter returned.
“What did He say?” said Paisley.
“He said here’s your three pound back, now F*** off”

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