An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar…

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar,
drinking (as they do), and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge to keep it in.”

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Farmer Joe’s Accident

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.  In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” said the lawyer.

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Paisley goes to Heaven

Rev. Ian Paisley dies and approaches the pearly gates. St. Peter stops him. “You can’t get in here” says Peter.
“Why not” says Paisley. I’ve been a good Christian man all my life” Continue reading

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Life Lesson

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give
you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?” Continue reading

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DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never
seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they
could be Lebanese? Continue reading
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DO RE MI by Homer Simpson

:      /        \         DO RE MI by Homer J. Simpson.
:     |     __  __)
:     |    /  \/  \       DO…… the stuff…that buys me beer…
:    /\/\ (o   )o  )      RAY….. the guy that sells me beer…
:    /c    \__/ –.       ME…… the guy… who drinks the beer,
:   (              )      FA…… a long way to get beer…
:    \_   _——-‘       SO…… I’ll have another beer…
:     |  /         \      LA…… I’ll have another beer…
:     | | ‘\_______)      TEA….. no thanks, I’m drinking beer…
:     |  \_____)          That will bring us back to…
:     |_____ |            (Looks into an empty glass)
:    |_____/\/\
:    /         \          D’OH!


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Clouds of confusion…

A GALWAY councillor has refused to apologise for swearing at a County Council committee meeting after he told a fellow councillor to “go **** himself”
Local area councillor Seamus Tiernan made the amazing outburst after he was told he was a “feckin eejit” for thinking that cloud computing was only suitable in areas with lots of rain.
He had told the Infrastructure Committee meeting this week that his native Connemara would be ideal for cloud computing because it has heavy cloud cover for nine months of the year.”
The Independent councillor said that the Government should be doing more to harness clean industries for the Connemara area and he named wind energy and cloud computing as two obvious examples.
“Connemara in particular could become a centre of excellence for wind energy harnessing, as it is open to the Atlantic. Also in terms of cloud computing, we have dense thick fog for nine months of the year, because of the mountain heights and the ability to harness this cloud power, there is tremendous scope for cloud computing to become a major employer in this region.”
However his mistake was pointed out by an incredulous Cllr Martin Shiels who said that “this is taking the biscuit. I’ve heard it all now. You must be a fecking eejit to think that the cloud computing had anything to do with climate.”
Cllr Tiernan took umbrage at the remarks of his colleague and called for them to be withdrawn. When Cllr Shields refused to do so, Tiernan said “go **** yourself, Cllr Shields.”
Chairman Sile Ni Baoill asked for both councillors to withdraw their comments, but Cllr Tiernan was repentant that Cllr Shields was wrong and that cloud computing is linked to cloud cover.

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Sewing Machine for sale

Small Ad Section – Local Newspaper.
For sale:  R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale.  Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. Continue reading
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Man goes into a shop

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson,”How much is the washer and dryer?” Continue reading
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Irish Newspapers – Quotes

Irish Times Continue reading

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